Are you the victim within an abusive relationship? Then there is something you should know. You are responsible for your situation.

This might sound harsh. It might come as a punch in your face. But you must realize the fact that you are responsible for your life. You are the one who are best predisposed of making any changes of any kind. Not your friends. Not your family. And especially not your abusive boyfriend (of course, you might be abused by a female, but statistics tell us that intimate partner violence mostly is commited by men, and I will stick to that in my examples. My dearest apologies if that is not the case for you).

The reason why you must take action in this matter, is that you are the one who best knows about your situation. Others might know something, but you are certainly the one who knows best. You are the pro.

Other persons don’t have the same level of insight into your situation. That is the main reason why you are most inclined to do something. Also, you are the person who gains the most changing your situation. Not the police. Not your BFF. And certainly not your boyfriend.

As soon as you have realized that you are responsible of your life, it is time to take action.

The first step is to make sure that you are within an abusive relationship. You can skip this paragraph and the next two if you are. This is more important than many think. Often, the reason why a separation process from a violent partner takes time, is that the victim is not sure whether her partner is abusive or not. This might sound like BS for outsiders, but an abuser is often manipulative, and puts effort in making his partner believe that he means well.

How do you make sure whether someone is abusing you or not? There is a simple solution to that. Next time, and every time after, that he hurts you, physically, verbally, socially or whatever way, you tell him how you feel. Something like: That action of yours made me feel bad. Don’t be afraid about being specific.

If the possible abuser really listens to you emphatically and tries to change his behaviour, he might not be an abusive bastard and you may decide to continue your relationship. But if he responds that he doesn’t care or blames you for your feelings or doesn’t try to change, then he is a mean motherfucker and you should take step two as soon as possible.

Step two is to seek help. One part of abusive behaviour is to isolate the victim from about everything else: friends, family, strangers and the whole society. This is done physically as well as psychologically. An abuser tries to blame his victim, make her blame herself and make her ashamed. Allt his helps him isolate her.

Therefore, many victims don’t seek outer help, since they are ashamed and afraid etc. It is he who should be afraid. There are loads of people who would be glad to help you, if they knew about your situation.

Therefore, the first step of seeking help is telling people. As many as possible, which would be pretty much everyone. If you are afraid of physical retribution of any kind, like assault or manslaughter, you might want to be discrete with contacting others until you have taken the precautions necessary for your own safety.

Thereafter, leave him. Try to reach this phase as soon as possible. Swiftness is important, since living with an abusive person is draining and a sad mess. It is not the happy life, you are supposed to live.

Please, take responsibility of your life. Communicate. That is your greatest weapon. Yes, and your inner power too.

Now, go live the life you are meant to live. Best luck to you.